The kids are farmed out this week. G1 is at Church camp. This is year 3 for him and he is a veteran. It is history repeating itself. I grew up there, 3rd - 12th grade. Camper and counselor. It shaped my personality in a really profound way. I pray the same for him. (and I smirk and warn him to stay away from any long legged, ponytailed, freckled, older woman who laughs at his jokes. "You could end up MARRIED!" Which makes him roll his eyes at his long legged, freckled Mother who still thinks his Dad is pretty funny.)
G2 is at gymnastics camp every morning this week. He is a humming bird of activity. You can see an aura of energy crackling around him at all times. He is either darting, leaping, dancing or flipping all the time. And if he seems still, his eyes are dancing. I am pretty sure that watching him actually burns MY calories. Summer is his best season as there is little requirement to sit still behind a desk. We'll need to be better about finding him a happy medium next year. We practiced spelling words last year while doing jumping jacks, math facts in between sit ups. He is a man of action and I know that will serve him well as an adult. Less so in a school environment that requires still and quiet reflection. It's all about finding the appropriate time and place. That's a work in progress.
I'm in Starbucks researching the Oregon Department of Human Services Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children - Child Welfare Policy II-C.1. Next up... Indian Child Welfare regulations. I am working with Door to Grace on the application for our license to become a child caring agency so that we can open the shelter for trafficked girls. It's a great organization, a great goal, God led and survivor informed and there are so many details to be worked through in completing our application. Fortunately my list is growing shorter and I get to work with some really amazing, intelligent and faithful people. Next week I see a demonstration on Equine Assisted psychotherapy as we are considering using it in our programming!
The guy next to me is interviewing for a job. He's nervous and the interviewer is cold and not making it easy on him. He is overusing the word "you know". A pet peeve of mine. And he is wearing scuffed shoes. You can tell so much about a man by his shoes. (they don't have to be expensive, just well cared for) Doubt he's getting the job.
Four women in a book club on the other side. Interesting book, one of them talks REALLY loudly and I think the other 3 find her tiresome. The conversation totally changed the moment she stepped into the ladies room. Women are so predictable that way.
A three year old boy keeps flirting with me and zooming by and touching my leopard printed shoe, to his exhausted Mother's chagrin. She just asked me if I would watch him while she ducked to the ladies room with her 5 year old girl. Man! I remember those days. Take your time Mama. Me and your little "ball of energy" will be chillin out here.
Starbucks is such a great incubator for sociological observation. Such a broad demographic. So many specialized consumables. All walks of life. So many people relating to each other. I am the only singular individual in here (and I am writing words that will be read by at least one other person.) Most of the folks in here are in conversation, being relational.
There is so much that is great about the advent of the coffee shop on every corner. It brings people together (it also makes them eat more but that is another topic all together.)
With so many areas of our lives that leave us isolated, I am encouraged to see Grandmothers bragging, employees gathering, book groups gabbing, couples snuggling, baristas that remember names and an adorable 3 year old boy who knows a good shoe when he sees it!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Remaining quirky
My heart broke about 20 different times on Friday. I can't get it out of my head. .
I volunteered for both the morning and afternoon sessions of field day at my school. Kindergarten - second grade in the morning and 3rd - 5th in the afternoon. Yep, I'm a sucker and can't say no to those sweet faced boys when they beg me to be there.
You likely know the drill. The kids get partnered up and then spend the next 2.5 hours scrambling from one activity station to the next, complete the event and move on. My morning activity was "noodle fencing" where you assume a fencing pose (enguard!) with one hand behind your back and one hand holding the 5 foot swimming noodle. The object is to see how many times you can touch your opponents knees in 30 seconds. My job, as the responsible parent, was to keep the thing from turning into a full on noodle brawl. (50% successful. They may or may not invite me back. I only whacked the kids who deserved it!)
In any group of people there are outliers, oddballs, the people/kids who just can't be categorized. Elementary school is an incubator of weird behaviors. On Friday one kid would only sing the words he wanted to communicate. One kid, in thick coke bottle glasses, so happy at his high score at my afternoon game, stopped playing all the other games and loitered next to me for two hours to make everyone knew he had the high score and no one else could top it. One girl, after being gently touched on the knee, decided to lie down, spread eagle in the fencing arena until the game was over.
I was completely amused at all of those behaviors. Each one of those kids has a burgeoning personality filled with uniqueness and they are trying to figure out how to grow into full sized, charismatic and interesting adults.
Unfortunately many of those uniquenesses are not appreciated by their 8 year old peers. That is the heartbreaking part. I saw situation after situation unfold in front of me where two would gang up on one. Time and again a group of three would come to my game and the two BFF's would play first and instead of waiting for the third to have a turn, would sneak away in a deliberate ditch. I observed numerous matter of fact interactions where one person would lay down the law to the person with "lesser" social standing. (insert nasal/whiny tone) "No Jenny, I am the one who makes the choices about which games we go to. You KNOW that." Usually the "lesser" person would cast down their eyes in a practiced manner and go along with the decree.
When does this happen? When do kids adopt the "Lord of the flies" mentality? Why do we decide that the kids who can dominate on the football field and hit a baseball are better than the rest of us? How does the bossy, prissy girl with the sparkly shoe laces get to decide who's "in" and who's "out" and change her mind every other day breaking the hearts of enumerable girls on playgrounds across the land?
I know some of it is natural social dynamics and they are working through human nature but it is heartbreaking to watch. I love those unique kids. I love the unexpected things they say and their back door thought processes.
It makes me sad that uniqueness makes those kids targets in our society. Standing out and being unusual makes those kids vulnerable to the kids who desperately want to blend in and make everyone look the same.
I know the pendulum swings back and forth throughout our lives but these elementary years shape who we become. I want to grab up each of those amazing and quirky kids and remind them that it is their quirks that will make them successful in the future. Hold on, your risk taking fashion sense will help you become an innovative leader. Hold on, your charismatic desire to speak with a spot on British accent is going to make you a great public speaker. Your ability to stand apart from the crowd will be valued in the future as you are selected out of a pool of 1000 for the job you want. I know it doesn't seem valued now but HOLD ON.
I want to tell the amoeba of homogeneous children to be brave and step away from the pack. Risk staying true to themselves. Risk figuring out who you are. Risk befriending the quirky kid. At least stop abusing him.
He just might become the best friend you ever have.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Blowing the roof off
I like to sing. I don't really know what I am doing but I think I can carry a tune without offending others or making them go flat. I have had many great opportunities in my life to sing with incredibly talented people who have graciously and generously taught me much about being a musician. I could list them here but they would be embarrassed and deny it.
My voice is naturally voluminous. I grew up racing at swim meets and I think I must have elephant sized lungs from so much time spent underwater. My unabashed volume used to embarrass my sister at church. She would bug her eyes out and tell me that "EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU!" in a hissing, reproachful whisper. I guess I assumed that God was way up in the sky and I should used my outside voice so he could hear me.
When Josh and I moved to Eugene in 1997 the church invited us to join their praise team. We sat around Randy and Beth Wray's antique kitchen table and practiced every Saturday night. The Wrays, the Comptons and the Caseys. Their kids ran around naked and crazy and Josh and I wondered why the parents had so little control. (ha! We no longer wonder.) Most of us were only marginal musicians, we couldn't sight read and we sang from our hearts. Tim Casey would pull bass notes from the bottom of his toes and Beth would quietly help us find the right notes. They quickly became our family as we tapped out timing and worked through discordant notes .
We joined the Westside praise team in 2001 when we moved to Portland. We had to try out which made me nervous. I sang my Harding Omega Phi club hymn by heart. I was sure they would decline my audition.
It has been an honor to sing with this group for a decade. We practice every Sunday night. We stumble through new songs, delight when songs come together with our unique acapella sound. Cheer at each other's success and laugh when we can't clap and sing at the same time. We love the music and support each other, regularly breaking out in remarkably tight harmony on random show tunes before dissolving in laughter. It is a humbly, faithful group of flawed people who love God, each other and the congregation we serve. Most of us are convinced we are not talented enough to be there week to week but are honored to be invited back because we have so much fun.
Make no mistake, the people I get to sing with are amazingly talented! Many could make a living with their pipes if they wanted to. God has gifted most of those folks with an amazing array of musical talents. The fact that they share them on a weekly basis with me and with Westside is a gift. I love it when new singers join us at practice because I want them to feel the fun we have.
But the music is not the best thing about these people. We talk about prayer requests after practice and I am often touched by the requests that surface. Profound parenting struggles are mentioned, physical decline of parents and loved ones tearfully spoken, prayers for broken relationships requested, praise for new jobs are offered. Updates from prior requests are reviewed, post prayer follow up conversations move to the hallway. I am blown away by the realization of how much these people care about each other, trust each other and willingly carry each others burdens.
The singing feeds us but is secondary. I am surrounded by a wonderful group of people who are being transformed by our Creator. And they can blow the roof off when we are all in tune!
My voice is naturally voluminous. I grew up racing at swim meets and I think I must have elephant sized lungs from so much time spent underwater. My unabashed volume used to embarrass my sister at church. She would bug her eyes out and tell me that "EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU!" in a hissing, reproachful whisper. I guess I assumed that God was way up in the sky and I should used my outside voice so he could hear me.
When Josh and I moved to Eugene in 1997 the church invited us to join their praise team. We sat around Randy and Beth Wray's antique kitchen table and practiced every Saturday night. The Wrays, the Comptons and the Caseys. Their kids ran around naked and crazy and Josh and I wondered why the parents had so little control. (ha! We no longer wonder.) Most of us were only marginal musicians, we couldn't sight read and we sang from our hearts. Tim Casey would pull bass notes from the bottom of his toes and Beth would quietly help us find the right notes. They quickly became our family as we tapped out timing and worked through discordant notes .
We joined the Westside praise team in 2001 when we moved to Portland. We had to try out which made me nervous. I sang my Harding Omega Phi club hymn by heart. I was sure they would decline my audition.
It has been an honor to sing with this group for a decade. We practice every Sunday night. We stumble through new songs, delight when songs come together with our unique acapella sound. Cheer at each other's success and laugh when we can't clap and sing at the same time. We love the music and support each other, regularly breaking out in remarkably tight harmony on random show tunes before dissolving in laughter. It is a humbly, faithful group of flawed people who love God, each other and the congregation we serve. Most of us are convinced we are not talented enough to be there week to week but are honored to be invited back because we have so much fun.
Make no mistake, the people I get to sing with are amazingly talented! Many could make a living with their pipes if they wanted to. God has gifted most of those folks with an amazing array of musical talents. The fact that they share them on a weekly basis with me and with Westside is a gift. I love it when new singers join us at practice because I want them to feel the fun we have.
But the music is not the best thing about these people. We talk about prayer requests after practice and I am often touched by the requests that surface. Profound parenting struggles are mentioned, physical decline of parents and loved ones tearfully spoken, prayers for broken relationships requested, praise for new jobs are offered. Updates from prior requests are reviewed, post prayer follow up conversations move to the hallway. I am blown away by the realization of how much these people care about each other, trust each other and willingly carry each others burdens.
The singing feeds us but is secondary. I am surrounded by a wonderful group of people who are being transformed by our Creator. And they can blow the roof off when we are all in tune!
Monday, June 6, 2011
My almost 6th grader
It's June 2011 and this tiny boy has 8 days left of elementary school. What happened? Just yesterday (or 8 years ago in Mom time) he needed me to zip up his coat (back when he actually WORE one) and today he is recording and overlaying original tracks on Garage Band with his Dad's Ipad.
I sure do love that amazing kid!
Nature or nurture work ethic
Yes, I am still on the nature or nurture debate.
I have the pleasure of working and serving alongside a wide array of people on a regular basis. Everyone has a varied working style, organizational approach and what I call "burn level". You know, how hot do they burn, how long can they sustain focused work, how fast do they naturally move, how many things can they juggle at once, etc. Burn level.
Where did you learn your burn level? I know some seasoned adults who "burn" at an almost imperceptible flicker and some very young adolescents who burn like a bonfire for hour upon hour. Some adults cannot sustain a simple hands on job for more than 5 minutes at a time yet some 12 year olds will get in and haul loads of bark dust all afternoon (okay, uncommon but I've seen it more than once!). Where does that "get er done" attitude come from and why does it seem to hit some and miss others?
Make no mistake, I am not limiting my delving to purely hands on hard labor here. Is it a work style issue? If I make you crunch numbers you can last 30 seconds but if I ask you to landscape my yard you will work for hours? I can drive a truck cross country on a 45 hour stretch but make me sit in a meeting and I will go crazy? You'll happily suit up for hours in a sterile fab but you just can't seem to get around to cleaning the toothpaste out of the sink.
Is it as simple as preference for one activity over another or are there just some people who are wired for hard work and deep focus and some that just never learned to "buckle down", (as my Grandmother would say)? Are there some people who just naturally assume responsibility and some who will run from it no matter how old they grow and no matter the job?
Why do the folks who enthusiastically work hard and jump in with a "can do" positive attitude seem old fashioned or a throwback to a historic generation? Will my generation be known for having service people on speed dial and paying others to do our work? Are we teaching our children to work hard enough? That responsibility is responsibility whether a high profile, "important" job or a menial but necessary one? How much is enough?
Which part is genetic and which part is learned or allowed?
Where did your work ethic come from and why did you adopt it?
I have the pleasure of working and serving alongside a wide array of people on a regular basis. Everyone has a varied working style, organizational approach and what I call "burn level". You know, how hot do they burn, how long can they sustain focused work, how fast do they naturally move, how many things can they juggle at once, etc. Burn level.
Where did you learn your burn level? I know some seasoned adults who "burn" at an almost imperceptible flicker and some very young adolescents who burn like a bonfire for hour upon hour. Some adults cannot sustain a simple hands on job for more than 5 minutes at a time yet some 12 year olds will get in and haul loads of bark dust all afternoon (okay, uncommon but I've seen it more than once!). Where does that "get er done" attitude come from and why does it seem to hit some and miss others?
Make no mistake, I am not limiting my delving to purely hands on hard labor here. Is it a work style issue? If I make you crunch numbers you can last 30 seconds but if I ask you to landscape my yard you will work for hours? I can drive a truck cross country on a 45 hour stretch but make me sit in a meeting and I will go crazy? You'll happily suit up for hours in a sterile fab but you just can't seem to get around to cleaning the toothpaste out of the sink.
Is it as simple as preference for one activity over another or are there just some people who are wired for hard work and deep focus and some that just never learned to "buckle down", (as my Grandmother would say)? Are there some people who just naturally assume responsibility and some who will run from it no matter how old they grow and no matter the job?
Why do the folks who enthusiastically work hard and jump in with a "can do" positive attitude seem old fashioned or a throwback to a historic generation? Will my generation be known for having service people on speed dial and paying others to do our work? Are we teaching our children to work hard enough? That responsibility is responsibility whether a high profile, "important" job or a menial but necessary one? How much is enough?
Which part is genetic and which part is learned or allowed?
Where did your work ethic come from and why did you adopt it?
Adorned in Grace II
For those of you who read my previous post about the Adorned in Grace grand opening, I did not give quite enough enthusiasm about the event. I stopped by the store on Saturday and was totally blown away! It is a shockingly perfect and pretty location, required no build out and was filled with amazingly modern and stunningly beautiful bridal gowns and formal dresses of all kinds. Standing in the middle of the store I could see dozens of dresses that I would happily wear. The WHOLE operation is staffed by volunteers. They need sales people, stock room help and donations of more beautiful dresses, accessories and shoes. (http://adornedingrace.blogspot.com/)
Their proceeds go to support Door to Grace which is in the process of building a shelter for children rescued from sexual exploitation in Portland. (doortograce.org)
This is a worthwhile endeavor. Donate, volunteer and shop.
Their proceeds go to support Door to Grace which is in the process of building a shelter for children rescued from sexual exploitation in Portland. (doortograce.org)
This is a worthwhile endeavor. Donate, volunteer and shop.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Adorned in Grace grand opening!!
I volunteer with an organization called Door to Grace. Thus far I have not blogged much about it here because it is a very serious topic and I have yet to find the words to talk about it here. (doortograce.org)
However, there is a group of people who felt called to raise funds for Door to Grace and so they started a resale store in East Portland. The store is a great success. This year they've hosted a grand fashion show and raised thousands of dollars to donate to DTG to help us build a shelter for children rescued from sex trafficking in Portland. (Gear up, I will be writing about it soon.)
These folks began praying for an opportunity to expand to a space on the west side. Almost immediately their prayers were answered when a space in the Raleigh Hills Fred Meyer complex was donated to them. DONATED TO THEM!! Now they have two stores. Tomorrow is the grand opening and I wanted to invite you.
However, there is a group of people who felt called to raise funds for Door to Grace and so they started a resale store in East Portland. The store is a great success. This year they've hosted a grand fashion show and raised thousands of dollars to donate to DTG to help us build a shelter for children rescued from sex trafficking in Portland. (Gear up, I will be writing about it soon.)
These folks began praying for an opportunity to expand to a space on the west side. Almost immediately their prayers were answered when a space in the Raleigh Hills Fred Meyer complex was donated to them. DONATED TO THEM!! Now they have two stores. Tomorrow is the grand opening and I wanted to invite you.
Adorned in Grace
Selling bridal and formalwear to raise awareness and funds to provide support
and safe shelter to children and teens victimized by human trafficking
June 4 store hours: 10-5
and safe shelter to children and teens victimized by human trafficking
June 4 store hours: 10-5
The ribbon cutting ceremony will be at 11 am
at the new Westside Location!
4949 SW 76th Avenue, Ptld
On the South side of the Raleigh Hills Fred Meyer Marketplace, facing Scholls Ferry Road
They are also looking for volunteer retail sales associates.
See you there.
...and the 2011 Most Valuable School Volunteer goes to...
Someone else...
Thank goodness...I am sure I needed more. It is important that I keep my name up there on the "Top 5 most dedicated and loving parent volunteers" list.
I've been thinking about the ways we measure ourselves as parents. I am pretty sure school volunteering is high on the lists of many. The more you love your kids the more time you spend helping at school, right? Seriously??
One of my good friends is an employed parent. She works hard all day at a tiring job, regularly commutes to the coast and back in a single day, oh and ALSO parents her two kids. They play sports just like mine do, they do homework just like everyone else, they likely even make their beds on occasion. She feels guilty that she doesn't volunteer more.
Where do we draw the line with this parenting guilt thing?
Here it is my friends - There is always something MORE to be done and YOU don't ALWAYS have to be the one to save the day. (Just a little insight into my own personal mantra for reformed super heroes.) Who's with me? Can I get a whoop whoop?
Should you try to contribute to your little darling's education? YES, of course!
Should you try to be available for appropriate volunteer contributions? YES
Should you try to apply your special skills and talents to the benefit of your child's school? Yes.
Should you feel incredibly guilty when you fail to win the Most Valuable Volunteer award? NO
Should we measure ourselves against other people's volunteer hours? NO, of course!
NO, OF COURSE! Then why do we do that to ourselves and each other? Why do we play that comparison game? Why are we so often so harsh with ourselves AND other people?
Some people absolutely LIVE to volunteer at school. Some people get energy from time spent with hundreds of wriggly 5 - 11 year olds. If that is you then GREAT. (I personally really love to laminate and introduce children to dangerous tools but I think there is a 12 step program for that.)
I want to live a life of service. I want to be a person who doesn't care about getting great kudos for the work I do. I want to have an encouraging impact on everyone I encounter. Often I want to do that at my kids school. It's an amazing and fun place. The walls there are almost as colorful as my own house! Where else can you go from go from xylophones to juggling to sustainable architecture to art supplies to organic gardening to math facts to grilled cheese sandwiches to hundreds of wonderful books in just a few steps?
BUT there are times when I want to live outside of school. Does that mean I love my kids less than the folks who spend more hours sitting in tiny little chairs than I do? Am I somehow less dedicated to my children's success? Make no mistake, I am incredibly grateful to the folks who spend countless hours donating time. Volunteers make the wheels turn, stand in the gap when budget cuts gouge.
I just want us to take a page from the kindergarten play-book and "use nice language with ourselves and others. Play nicely and appreciate others for our unique contributions." It is not the quantity of the hours spent but the quality. It is the heart and the motivation behind why you are there.
Donate your time deliberately. Go ahead and stretch your comfort zones and try something new. Maybe riding a bus full of screaming 1st graders, bound for the Metro transfer station is more fun than you'd think? Decide where you fit best and make yourself useful. Feel free to say no when you need to and respect others when they need to do the same. Stop measuring yourself against other people and believing you've come up short.
What do we tell our kids? Make YOUR best effort. Teachers don't allow students to compare report cards. Why should we?
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