Going back to school. New class schedule, new teachers, new school supplies. The graceful dance of locating old and adding new friends. Maybe not so graceful but it is a fascinating illumination of our inherent human desire to find and flock with others who help us feel like we "fit".
I was fortunate to be asked to volunteer in the middle school office on the first day of school and wow, I learned more there than during an entire semester of college sociology! Hovering parents, terrifying their kids with their worry, gawky and uncomfortable kids who had lost their schedules, kids with medication to turn in, secretly hoping no one saw.
I saw giggly, happy reunions of cute girls in brand new clothes, hugging and jumping and jumping and hugging. (I'm still nauseous.) I saw boy-men casually acknowledging summer facial hair accumulation. (one girl too, but I think her accumulation was unintentional.) I watched my son's friends happily greet him by nickname. They even greeted me, one high fived! I did no jumping or hugging and think I avoided being embarrassing. I watched teachers welcome kids by name and seem genuinely happy to see them. I read the hopeful and unsure faces of the new kids, who had yet to find a friend. It was a whole melting pot of potential. Nine months of opportunity to forge life shaping relationships. (I hope they learn stuff too.)
The desire to find and flock with people who "get us" doesn't end in middle school. I'm 42 and it is at least as important now as it was then. Its a comfort level, a mutual understanding of each other, a confidence that the other person has your best interest at heart. You don't have to have the same view of the world, just the ability to respect and try to understand mine. Conversations should be some about you and some about me. Not every time, no score keeping, and if you're in a crisis, you get the floor for as long as you need it and you'd do the same for me. There should be trust that you'd drag me from a burning building if necessary and I'd do the same for you. (Which explains why I try to choose very strong and agile friends or hang out with them two at a time.)
I believe most of us have a heart need to find "our people". In my case those are the people I call when I find success, whether silly or grand and they are genuinely, giddily happy for me with no thought about how my success reflects on them. The people I text when my feelings get hurt because they'll know what to say and will remind me of who I am when I lose focus. The people I call to temporarily remove my children for a "time out" from my presence before regrettable actions occur. The people who help nudge me to think more creatively, challenge me to love more broadly, risk telling me I'm wrong and cajole me into forgiving when the hurt still hurts. And they can do those things for me because they are "my people".
These days my tribe of people is as varied and colorful as the BIG box of Crayons. (You know, the one with the sharpener you always wanted but had more crayons than were requested on the supply list?) I flock to colorful people. Surprise! In the past couple of years several new, wonderfully colorful personalities have joined me in the Crayon box. Some are colorful in appearance, some are colorful in thought, some in light and dark shades of experience. We all nestle together quite nicely with our different color combinations and contributions. Some are deep, challenging thinkers, some are bold and inspiring, some are sage and wise, some are all of those things with a little fun thrown in. They all contribute something essential to my tribe of people and I am honored by the beautiful colors each adds to my rainbow life.
As I watched the middle school scene yesterday, I thought about the crew I ran with during my years at Five Oaks Junior High. They were a wonderfully varied crew, they added immense wealth to my life back then and continue still. They were my early "people" and a great gift.
As the year begins, I pray that each of those middle schoolers finds their tribe, their soul feeding "people" and they set about adding rich and life giving color to each others lives.
