I am a girl.
I sew.
I like to create all kinds of art. I like to talk and delve deeply into my and others emotions. I love to appreciate things that are beautiful. I like to have tea with friends and can do so for several hours at a time. I like to paint my fingernails. I form relationships relatively easily and like to gather people around, preferably with an elegant glass of Zinfandel.
God, in his infinite humor, gave me two sons. What was he thinking? They don't even like TEA!
I know how I was in school. I know how it was for me to make friends. My first day in first grade, entering Beaver Acres about a month after school had started. I was really shy (true story!) I had hip length wavy hair and big brown eyes over a sprinkling of freckles. At free play time in our classroom, alone, I sheepishly went over to a stacking table where there were yellow and red blocks to help with counting. Almost immediately another brown eyed, long haired girl named Linda Moeller came and asked if she could play. BAM!!, elementary school best friend LOCKED IN. We walked to school every day, played Wonder Woman on bikes or roller skates every day after school. Those were powerful years and the game had a powerful impact as we both grew up to be 5'10" amazons who shouldn't be messed with! She is still just as fun and good as she was back then. A really good quality person sent to me on my first day of school. (and returned to me about 5 years ago in Java Nation. I'd recognize that booming voice anywhere!)
I assumed that is what everyone did.
That's not how my sons roll.
They both have very different relational styles but neither is anything like I was. Why is that? Is it a boy thing? Neither has a best friend. They both have several friends of varying closeness but neither has a gang, a crew of good, tightly connected and loyal buddies like I had. One has more tendency toward that than the other but it causes me to wonder. And wonder. And wonder. (see paragraph 1)
I know God is protecting them, lifting them up and redeeming their Mother's shortcomings. (hallelujah!) I just know that I loved my gang of sweet, crazy, smart friends and it really enriched my life. I also know that there are many ways to experience a rich life. So once again while I am so busily trying to teach my kids a fundamental lesson about how to make and hold friends, they have sat me down to teach ME that they are their own people. They are NOT me.
There are many appropriate ways to walk through life. Many ways to form relationships. Many different ways to experience the world. And I am trusting that God will help me to help them find THEIR way.
I guess I can teach someone else to sew and enjoy hoarding creative resources while drinking Earl Grey. God clearly gave me these testosterone pumping, bewildering, unpredictable BOY hooligans so I could learn powerful lessons about the diverse alternatives to crafting a successful life.
It's surprising how well you can throw a football while holding a cup of tea....
great post.
ReplyDeleteNatalya may look like me, and we pretty much carry ourselves the same, but we differ in so many ways I am often staring at her in wonder/bewilderment. Our childhood plays out so differently (and not just because she is an only child). Things that are tricky for her were effortless for me, and vice versa. I was much more of a tomboy (perhaps I still am).
In a big way I am glad that she is so beautifully strange, because I cannot mistake her for me (not that she won't remind me). I have the same goal as you, to raise my child in the way THEY should go. and like you, I am encouraged by the notion that may be they will help me in the path that I should go.
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I think the boys will value your lessons, even if they may not seem relevant at present. You are such a good tea-sipping football throwing mama!
~Leslie
@Leslie--I whispered sweet girlie nothings in that childs ear for a year... so her girlie-ness could be MY fault. :)
ReplyDelete@Tanya--It's strange how though my early experiences are like yours, in my later years I am nothing like that. I find it much harder to fit in or to find my "pack". I am different in a way that is striking to other at first...then apparently less so as they realize that I have no intention of changing to fit in. So I run with a wide variety of people who do not necessarily make sense to others nor fit together.
I agree with Leslie that you are the perfect mama for those boys! :)
You are a great boy mom and the perfect mom for our boys. We are all blessed to have you girlying things up at our place.
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