A whisper of a voice

There is much in scripture that unnerves me.  Today the concept of “be still and know that I am God” is crackling around in my head with a distinct lack of stillness or serenity.  For a high energy girl like me, the idea of being still is tough.  If I am still I am sleeping.  My body is rarely still, my mind – never, my hair even moves with a mind of its own. 

I don’t know what this “be still and know that I am God” means.  YET, I think it was written with me in mind.  In the midst of so many things that bend my nerves and crackle around seeking clarity in my brain, the idea of hunkering down in forced stillness and letting God order the things in my brain sounds like a much needed vacation for a whirling dervish like me. 

God and I have been negotiating about some heavy duty topics lately.  I’ve recently realized that, as I do with my patient husband, when I have something to say to God, I gear up and spill 1000 words per minute, spilling and spilling and spilling until I feel like I have expressed my thought in a well defended, articulate and unsinkable manner.   (In my defense, my husband IS a professional arguer and it does me little good to approach “the bench” with namby pamby half baked language!) 

Turns out, often neither God nor Josh can get a word in edgewise with all my unsinkable and speedily articulate brain crackling.  I am well gifted to present impassioned arm waving and powerful monologues.  I think it might well be very frightening to the uninitiated.  I can hold my own and stand my ground perfectly well when given ample space for my 6 foot wing span.     It turns out I am much less gifted at the being still and listening part. 

This month I am pretty sure God raised his voice loud enough to tell me to sit down and shut my mouth.  I am in a really high burn spin at the moment.  Lots of muddy places where I would like clarity.  Lots of emotional stress and insecurity.  Lots of impassioned negotiations with God about which way is up.  Today His voice was raised just to get my attention but once my head was turned and my mouth closed he dropped back down to a deliberate whisper. 

I think there is a reason that his voice comes so often like a quiet breeze.  For during your most chaotic and unsettled time,  you have to stop spinning, lean in really closely and  sit still before you can hear the full benefit of His peace filled tone.  

There is rest and fresh air in stillness and serenity.  I could use a fair bit of both.